It has become increasingly difficult, in this 'down economy', to define 'success'. It seems that many of the traditional 'markers' for success simply are not functional anymore. What it takes to achieve success, at least in the economic sustainable sense of the word, has been brought into stark relief against a background of broken dreams.
Companies no longer provide stable jobs for workers, and even if an employee displays sincere loyalty to an employer, there is no guarantee that they will not be laid off along with employees who are just around 'for a paycheck'. Employers provide fewer and fewer benefits to employees, including lesser amounts for pensions and often no health insurance (or minimal health insurance at exorbitant premiums). Skills that only a few years ago garnered good paychecks and stable employment now are meaningless as the jobs are moved overseas to labor markets where employees are willing to work more hours for considerably less pay. College students matriculate through educational systems, even 'top notch schools', with little or no chance of being employed upon graduation. Even if jobs are available upon graduation, the pay scales are often insufficient to allow the former students to live an adequate life and still pay off the student loans that allowed them to gain such supposedly 'marketable' degrees.
And those of us in our later years of employment run up against a profound paradox when seeking employment: that the person who is hired has less education and experience and profoundly fewer skills than the older, far more experienced worker. What is the criteria for seeking employment when the accumulation of one's education, experience, skills, aptitudes, and willingness to work are eviscerated by the hiring of a younger worker with far fewer skills, considerably less employment history, and half one's educational attainment (as well as half of one's age)? The excuse is that older workers will leave a job that pays a lower salary, whereas a younger worker will stay around -- but quite often the younger less experienced hire will be paid a salary that is larger than the most lucrative salary the older worker has ever made. Upon what criteria does one even seek employment when that lifetime accumulation of knowledge is treated as a 'problem' by employers, rather than as an 'advantage'?
It seems to me that since I haven't been able to find success via full-time employment (or at least not since 2002), I need to redefine success so that I can find it in my world and gain a distinct sense of pride in my life. Hence, what are the other possible indices of success?
Emotional
Like many sexual abuse survivors, who've worked long and hard on recovery via psychotherapy, I have successfully been able to achieve a significant degree of emotional health in my life. After a lifetime of being ignored or rejected by women (or at least having the 'authentic parts of Self that are different from the culturally expected' ignored by many of my intimate female partners), I have, in the past 3 1/2 years, manifested a very loving, egalitarian, equitable, sexually fulfilling and emotionally satisfying relationship with a woman. And I'm quite proud of that (as well as continue to be amazed that it finally happened, albeit late in life).
Plus, I've achieved success in terms of 'moving beyond' many of the sexual abuse, incest, and physical torture messages I received as a child. I have never abused children like my parents did and I have slowly, but gradually, become more comfortable with my 'inner Self', and all the manifestations of that Self.
Social/Political
I am successful in the social and political spheres. I have recently been told I will be nominated for my church Board of Trustees (after 23 years of being ignored by both of the churches I attended, in spite of my continual assertive statements of interest in serving). I have worked on around 65 Democratic Party campaigns since 1978 and though some have been contentious, I have a good 'success record' of getting candidates elected. I have a good number of deeply connected friends, both male and female, and I have been able to maintain friendships with several of the women I've dated over the years. Given that for many males emotionally-invested friendships are a most problematic issue, I feel quite 'successful' in this arena.
Skill and Education Acquisition
I have earned two graduate degrees and a graduate certificate, as well as have gained knowledge of a wide range of skills and aptitudes. I always assumed that education would assist me to gain employment (and for a while it did), but I can nonetheless be proud of my attainment of that education and my manifestation of those skills. The difficult part has been separating my pride of accomplishment from the results of that acquisition -- or more to the point, the downside of the expected results. I am proud of being a straight-A student when I worked on my second graduate degree, and though I'm extremely frustrated by how that degree turned out to be economically worthless (or at least employment-generating worthless), I can still take pride in the success of having gained that advanced education.
I guess my point here is that while economically I've had a lifetime of difficulty in manifesting 'success' (even when the economy was supposedly in good shape, I often had a difficult time gaining employment, in part because of my profound discomfort with the interview process), I have a lot to be grateful for concerning success in other areas of my life.
And that's important.
If I focus solely upon 'financial success' [or at least wage-generated financial success], I would be deeply depressed. And frankly depression doesn't do me a lot of good; it surely doesn't help me move on with my life. If, rather, I focus upon the other areas of my life in which I've been able to manifest 'success', then I find that I have much for which to be grateful. I have been able to survive economically in spite of a lack of wage-generated success due to having 'other income' generated on my behalf by my larger family. Given how, in this economy, many of the people who previously had success in that arena are now struggling to survive, I'm doing alright. Not economically wealthy, but surviving. And surviving to a reasonable degree.
And that's surely, at the age of 59, a distinct measure of success. Gratitude for 'what I have', rather than frustration about 'what I don't have' is an important spiritual and emotional realization. And one that will serve me well in the coming years, as I move toward an age when any ability to generate wages will be greatly diminished (due both to age discrimination and the physical inability to work).
