Refusing To Accept That Men Can Be Victims

I concluded last week's blog with a statement that, given how our culture trains males from infancy forward to 'not display' their emotions on pain of "not being a man", blaming males for displaying a limited range of emotions was a bit like 'blaming the victim'. I concluded with that statement for two reasons: both because I believe it is accurate, and as a segue to this week's blog on how our society refuses to accept that men can be victims.

We have a culture which has little difficulty viewing females or infants as 'victims' -- when they have been victimized by others -- but, in contrast, has a very difficult time allowing males to be viewed as victims. Now, I'm not pointing this out to further wallow in 'victim culture'. My concept of men's emotional wellness is focused on seeking a solution to deep-seated cultural and psychological dysfunction, not driving the problem even deeper. But it is also true that in order to receive empathy for the harm that is done to an individual, one must be allowed to be seen, at times, as a victim of others' behaviors or of the circumstances ['stuff happens'] of life. Our patriarchal culture is singularly unwilling and/or unable to display that empathy toward males. The message is that boys and adult males, in order "to be men", need to 'tough it up', 'display courage', and 'be a warrior in the face of adversity'.

The problem with this cultural imperative, though, is that certain categories of trauma -- such as childhood sexual, physical, and psychological abuse, rape, warfare, domestic violence, severe physical injury from working in one of the 'death professions' [mining, structural steel construction, fire fighting, garbage collection, etc.], being the recipient of the violent behavior of others -- result in such severe psychological and physical impairment that such an injunction does not do justice to the individual experiencing the trauma. Males who experience these crises -- and fail to have access to sufficient social service or mental health service interventions -- often experience lives that are profoundly negatively affected by poor relationships and marriages, high rates of alcoholism and drug abuse, employment-related deficiencies, poor emotional boundaries, and a host of other negative psychological and medical outcomes.

Males can be (and about 16% of the males in our society are) sexually abused and raped as children, or raped as adults (such as in abusive gay encounters or in prison). They can experience severe psychological and/or physical disabilities due to warfare. They can be on the receiving end of rage generated by their female or male partners in domestic violence situations. A large percentage of boys experience physical beatings as children. In all of these situations males are the victims of other people's brutality. Yet, we have a culture which does not willingly accept 'the reality of such victimization', and this denial is directed at males by other men, by women, and by men toward themselves. The result of this cultural denial is that men are unable or unwilling to 'reach out' and seek effective intervention for their issues.

On the other hand, if a man does have the courage (and, in my estimation, this is true courage) to reach out and seek help, such help is rarely available. In a society that has had mental health services for females and children [though insufficient], at least in the past 30 years, there have been and continue to be almost no mental health or social service agency assistance for issues related to male victimization. The excuse is that "men wouldn't access such services even if they were available"; but it is difficult to ascertain whether this is true because such services are so rare in the first place.

As an example, a prominent health foundation here in Missouri does not have any funding that addresses the issues of males [though there are many funding categories for issues faced by women and children], and hence no funding for the issues faced by, for instance, adult male sexual abuse survivors, or male victims of domestic violence. (It is important to note, though, that this foundation is hardly unusual in this regard; this gender-based bias is widespread in corporate and foundation funding.) And while social service agencies exist that address a multitude of issues faced by women and children, there exist few social service delivery systems for the psychological issues faced by males, except those that are homeless, on parole, or are veterans of military conflict [and even those are insufficiently funded].

Providing assistance only to women and children is not only unfair, but also addresses only one side of the gender equation. The progressive advancements and outcomes for females in this country, so important to the feminist improvement of the lives of women during the past 30 years, will be limited if we, as a society, fail to bring men along on the road to changed and improved outcomes.


If we, as a society, continue our pattern of refusing to accept that men can be victims, and deny that such males need competent, well-funded mental health intervention and assistance, those males who have been victimized will continue to experience the trauma perpetrated upon them, either as children or as adults, without access to effective solutions to their PTSD-related issues. This continued denial will not only affect the positive life outcomes for these men, but will continue to have a deleterious effect on their intimate and familial relationships, their work life, and the lives of men, women, and children who interact with -- and attempt to love -- them.